Alex Jones lost episode. uTonical tribute

Ever since I filed that restraining order on Alex. He has lost his reputation as a loud mouth conservative media meme. I found out 1 year later that Alex was fired due to him revealing his secret that he signed a contract saying he would never do as such. Go figure.

As much as I have ill feelings toward Alex for crippling me. I couldn’t help but feel bad for him. I remember losing my dream of being a gold medal winner for the Olympics due to my crippling psychosis. However I do want to mention that for Alec that was warranted.

After I realized that my clinical depression wasn’t getting any better, and from being wheelchair bound for the rest of my life. I noticed my teeth started to decay and rot like Ronald Reagan. So like any civilized person, I decided to take a trip to the old jaw butcher. Or the dentist. They should just call It "mouth mutilators".

Although I can’t drive, I managed to modify my wheelchair to have a 15 horsepower engine. I could fly that mother fucker into space and not give two shits about oxygen. I’m half amphibian bitch. I can regenerate my dick If I wanted to.

Anyway after getting to the slaughter house of oral means. I slowly drove into the lobby and waited until my name was called. As I did people began to laugh at me and insinuated that this wasn’t a hospital, most likely because I was wheelchair bound.After being emotionally harassed, I sat and waited for...what seemed like hours.

Then finally out of nowhere, I saw Alex Jones dressed In a white nurse nightgown wearing white sneakers walk out of the hallway. This made me feel extremely uncomfortable. He looked at me with complete shock. eventually he pointed at my wheel chair and laughed. He then said In his somewhat raspy voice, “ Geraldo Leopold?” remembering the horrible memories I slowly moved across the hall to the operating room to be operated on.

Alex then beckoned me to lay back In the chair. But since I was paralyzed from the waist down, they had to call a miniature crane to lift me. Once I was in the chair, Alex Jones reached into his back pocket and pulled out duct tape and taped me down on the chair like a person in a sanitarium. This for some reason caused me to be weirdly aroused. And I wanted more.

Alex Jones then switched on a desk lamp positioned over my head slightly causing my poor eyesight to worsen. He then exclaimed that I needed a check up since I haven’t had one since 1994. I thought that was fucking bullshit because I swear I did It in 2004. But yet again I have the memory of a tortoise so i guess this was a possibility. Plus Jones never lies. He Is the most honest person In the world. I mean the frogs at my house are surely gay. And I have chemicals In the water

“Alright enough chit chat, let's get down to business shall we?” Alex said. A bit grudgingly, I decided to exceed his demands. Alex gives me a smile and grabs a vice grip from a drawer. He then proceeds to latch it to my crotch region. I never expected that to happen at a dentist, but yet again I never graduated high school due to hardcore drugs. So who am I to judge? And then I started to feel something wiggling down there.

Alex Jones then said he was gonna look at my mouth. He pulled out a comedic size magnifying glass from the cabinet. Then proceeds to look at my mouth with his one bulging eye. “ Well Geraldo! Looks you haven't brushed! That makes me angry!" "And you still know my secret!" He then grabs what I could only describe it as a modified power drill. Alex had an extreme grin on his face, and the drill was coming at me In slow motion. "Open wide Geraldo!" I begged and prayed that this was some nightmare after a night of heavy drinking. But this was my horrible reality. The drill bit was the size of my mouth. Alex Began to laugh manically at my soon to be scared expression. Don't judge me I have slow reflexes. As soon as the drill bit made it close to my mouth. Woody and Tempas from toy story teleported through the walls. They grabbed a 12 gage shotgun and shot Alex in the four head. Alex fell back with a large thud.

Woody and Tempas helped me back into my wheelchair and I scooted out of the operation room. When I got back to the lobby It was the middle of the night, and everyone was gone. So I turned on my 15 horsepower engine and sped down the sidewalk. I ended up killing 9 old women and ended up hitting a small child In the process. When I arrived home I saw a VHS tape on my kitchen table. I looked at what It said. The tape read "Geraldo, here's a gift for you." I put the tape In my VHS player. It was a lost episode of Alex snorting a black powdery substance. Alex then looks up at the camera and chants " Black powder matters! Black powder matters!" The chanting got so loud that It started to sound like a very obese man farting and shitting at the same time. I then decided to shut off my TV and go to bed.

I woke up at the crack of dawn to a knock at my door. when I opened It up I saw Ronald McDonald taking off after shitting on my welcome mat. When he was taking off I noticed that piss was trickling down his pants as he ran. But I called animal control so hopefully they'll take care of It. Well I guess that's It. Deuces.