Mission Hill Lost Episode

An original pasta written by TVB

In 1999, an animated series called, "Mission Hill" created by Simpsons writers Josh Weinstein and Bill Oakley premiered on The WB network (now known since 2006 as the CW)--was intended to kickstart their adult animation lineup alongside The Oblongs and Baby Blues; but were cancelled by 2002. The series involves around Andy French--a slacker who tries hard to start his career in cartooning--living with his younger, much more nerdy, brother named Kevin; together in an apartment at its titular city called, Mission Hill. Even though the series was cancelled due to low ratings, it gained universal acclaim praising the humor and its neon color art style; and when this show as well as the other two shows aired on Adult Swim and were released on DVD, it--along with the other two--ended up having a cult following. But people have speculated why the WB cancelled their animation lineup, or why the show had low ratings. Actually, there was a real truth behind this, because I worked at Warner Bros. Animation back when the series was in full production; closely working with Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein. Sure you don't know me, we haven't met, you're nothing more than just another stranger, and I am just suicidal inside and out.

...I have no clue why this tape haunt me for years!?! Why lord, why must you forsaken me with this! Anyway the episode I can recall was one of the 6 unfinished episodes yet what's so special about this one is that there was no production code; the episode consists of continuity errors... and the show is horrifying for the public viewing eye. Right when I saw the episode, I was in for a rollercoaster ride like that one ride from Rollercoaster Tycoon that had um... bones. The original theme song, "Italian Leather Sofa" by Cake (the show uses the instrumental version) would play during title sequences; but this was replaced with a song similar to the likes of brokeNCYDE called, "FreaXXX;" except the lyrics where changed into something morbid...

*[trap beats play accompanied by screaming emo deathcore vocals]* Get yo ass to tha muthafuckin' shower Crunk out loud wit' yo fightin' power 9/11's yo inside job So ya'll run from tha government ya glob They is killin' ya's maggots They is smokin' ya's faggots

...okay... no! No! This theme song does not fit well! Government conspiracies about 9/11 made in 1999; plus Columbine-esque violence revamped opening for this lost episode; followed by lead singer calling me a faggot?! Why, I'm not some kind of British-made cigarette! I mean I did a little audio sample of "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People during this already mentioned Columbine style revamped intro. I was scared, so traumatized; I was this close to calling security because of this. The meat and potatoes of the episode began with Andy French looking genially upset. He frowned; albeit a little pouty like a 5-year-old not getting his way; but it slowly turned into an aggressive realistic mad. A mean old "angery" bubbly piss-yellow mad as his eyes became bloodshot and photo-realistic all within his violent frowning looking moments. "Kevin you fuckin' sperglord!" he screamed. I was shocked that he actually Kevin a sperg. Wait... was there an episode where Kevin was diagnosed with Autism? No there wasn't; but there was a planned episode involving that; which explains why Kevin insulted him calling him a sperg. Didn't help that Andy appeared to wear a fedora as he began to tip his fedora while looking at the camera breaking the fourth wall and said while smiling sinisterly, "Today is the day that Mission Hill found its supreme retribution maniac." But the camera cuts to Kevin looking appalled as if he was being... tortured.

Kevin was gulping once he listened to Andy's mutterings of being a supreme gentleman while drinking his racist Starbucks convefe--which is the only product placement of the entire show. I'm guessing Warner Bros. and Starbucks paid each other royalties to include this in the show. Didn't help that Andy was watching a news footage on TV involving the recent Starbucks boycott due to racism (keep in mid, this episode was produced in 1999--the events of this episode may have predicted almost everything after that year). He muttered, "By the way, that Starbucks coffee. It's the taste of a virgin like myself. Think about it Kevin, I've been a virgin for far too long. I was ready to get laid; but you came and fucked it up. Do you think Valentine's Day was the day of love. Of course not... it was day of Al Capone, Bugsy Malone, Steve Phillip Kazmierczak, Nickolas Cruz... there was no love for Valentine's... there has never been any love during Valentine's. Love is a joke. The only love I can praise is during 9/11 when terrorists bombed the Pentagon and hijacked the plane. God doesn't love us. God never loved us. Bush didn't love black people, but Jews only love lies and quantity, Boston loved the smell of a bombing during a marathon, people enjoyed getting killed during Hurricanes Harvey, Katrina, and Sandy, people love the wish of death during the swine flu outbreak. Nobody loves the world. Orlando was never strong, Las Vegas was never strong, and Paris has bombed into pieces! We're all skeletons! Fuck you!" What made me snicker a little is the fact that Andy was making his speech about the future end-of-the-world events in a smooth sounding voice a la a radio DJ announcer.

But I wasn't prepared for the next event that would occur which would piss me off more and more. Andy grabbed a pistol and shot Kevin smiling viciously; it was the most hyper-realistic open fire I have ever heard or seen in an animated cartoon! He then teabagged the ever loving shit out of Kevin; which also pissed me off in disgust having incest and pedophilia in a nationally televised animated sitcom. Get out of my head, Mr. Enter; nobody cares about morals in animation! Sorry, I gotta control my anger! The animation quickly changed from it's stylized neon color animation to an animation done by a relatively cheap animation studio as the colors were more muted.

Andy runs with his gun to the car and runs it to the sorority row. He then sees all the girls running in peril from his gun as Andy yelled, "I got some testies!" The screen cut to black and what I heard were series of realistic gun shootings that were actually done inside a recording studio with actual non-improvised realistic screaming! The one thing I can see is two stock images; one of which being a train robbery in Madrid and the other being a tsunami that hit Japan. When the animation came back on... Andy broke the fourth wall one last time and said, "Well, that was the day that I was a wimpy kid." He shot himself afterwards. The episode cuts to a funeral home with a candle and a black box. The main characters from Mission Hill appeared. We then see Andy's friend Jim, looking down at Kevin's coffin and puts on top of the coffin a framed picture of Barack Obama from 2011. May I remind you one last time... this episode was produced and was suppose to air in 1999. The episode ends by slowly fading to black with a PSA message saying in Times New Roman size 12, "Andy was actually Elliot this whole time... this is why the show had a concept of the day of his retribution." That alone pissed me off! What pissed me off even more... well... I wrote down this story to tell you all this. I think I'll stop here.